listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize