; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
