Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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