I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
