I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize