rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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