so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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