she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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