i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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