im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize