i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
