i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
