using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
