I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
