So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
