When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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