So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
