after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
