Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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