You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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