If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
