I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
