So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
