It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
