At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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