So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do vagina's smell?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You can't just leave with hair like that
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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