I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
