Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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