I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
