First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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