"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
