i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
