She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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