Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize