what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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