plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
