The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
