I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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