i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
