rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
