Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
