I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
