So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Farmville is her only friend.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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