Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
