I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
