there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
