I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
