i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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