I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
