i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
