this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
