quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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