Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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