girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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