he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
