Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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