cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
