onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
