just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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