I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
