Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
