this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
