well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
