There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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