I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
